Escape

I have escaped my house where the Fletcher and I are not figuring it out very well. If he isn't the cutest thing I've seen lately, I don't know cute. I don't know, maybe I don't. But man if I can figure out how to entertain him. I feel so bad for him. There is just nothing to do, and all he wants to do is sniff around outside, and I can't do that forever. I mean, that's boring to ME.

He's too young to "walk" with me - he just doesn't get the concept, so we end up doing the whole stop and sniff thing. Constantly. So I'm getting no exercise. And when he wants to nap, which IS often. Yay! Right? NO. He wants to sleep ON MY LAP, or cuddled up rightbesideme. Which is great for a while, but then I want to get up and put the batteries on my clock I just bought. Nope. He's up and needing to pee (because he just woke up) and then wanting to play. Or I just want to put my glass in the sink. Or like, sit at the table in his view, no less, to work on the Nanowrimo writing challenge I wanted to do again this year. He will not let me. I've written a little over his head when he's been on my lap (he's my new "laptop." Haha. I'm not really amused.)

I just wonder if I got the right dog for me, as easy as he makes it to fall in love with him on the good days. I've taken to showering every other day to avoid the out and out stress it causes me, and yes, I could crate him downstairs while I shower, but he still screams bloody murder and I feel bad about it.

To top it off...my biological clock is not only ticking, but running flat out of batteries. I just started tearing up as I was driving here to Panera to write, and at a stoplight I saw a mom (my age-ish) in the passenger seat of an SUV, turned around and laughing at her kids, the dad in the driver's seat beside her. That is what I want - what I wanted for my life. I swear, today is just one of those days where I struggle to see the point of a life without family. It's what we're made for, designed for. Our society is founded on it. Everything is BASED on it. And now here comes the gd holiday season to remind me of everything I'm missing out on. AND to top it off, my ex who didn't know if he'd ever get married is apparently dating someone. Perfect. I'm not surprised, because I just knew that would be the case, since he didn't want it at all. I don't wish I was still with him. It just doesn't seem fair (yep, I know) that what I want so bad and he could easily live without - even said he may prefer to - well, that he gets to have it again. This on top of the despair I'm already feeling as I head into yet another miserable holiday season alone - and hey - for THIS one, I have the added challenge of being broke!

Escape is the title of this blog for more than just the afternoon away from my precious baby dog who needs so much.