Day 5 of no smoking - I really cannot believe I've made it this far - in THIS, my every-day-life environment. I have gone through nearly every strong "trigger" moment or event that I can think of this week, and resisted the temptation. That's incredible, literally. I guess "they say" at this point the nicotine is out of my body, so I'm not dealing with a physical, chemical addiction any longer; now, it's mental. And of course, for me, that is just as strong if not stronger than the physical. But one moment at a time, y'know? Today will be another big temptation going bowling with some friends (on Valentine's Day, no less - more on that in a bit)- last time we did this, less than a month ago, we drank beer and I popped out for a ciggie every few bowls. It's going to be interesting.
Plus - heart stuff. Appropo on the big V-Day. I'm definitely feeling better than I was a few days ago with the old loneliness gig. But I have got feelings all stirred up that I do NOT know what to do with - 5 days ago, I would have smoked diligently to help me deal. Now? I don't know what the *%$# to do. It's too involved to really blog about, and frankly, too confusing to articulate in a way I'd prefer. Suffice it to say that a confused, dim hope lives deep in my being somewhere that I can't quite access. It's this tiny little spark that I'd like to just snuff out completely, or screw it - just blow on with all I got to bring to full, roaring flame.
Eh. Safer to let it smolder a bit. I'll keep you posted.
4 comments:
5 days buddy - that's freakin awesome. hard stuff.
smolder? I'm intrigued.
I say... burn baby burn. ;)
And good for you! Keep it up!!!
I am SO proud of you for quitting smoking! AND for buying real estate!! Holy moly, girl. You are brave and wonderful.
I hope you're still off the smokes. I stopped about 8 years ago cold turkey. There's a pretty good story there, have to tell you about it sometime.
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